2: Big Bang

The Big Bang, the explosion that started it all.

Some say that the universe is just a circle, exploding, expanding, shrinking, exploding...

That might comfort some. But sometimes I wish my life wasn't so cyclical.

---

--- --- ---

--- --- --- --- ---

For a while, life was, dare I say it, normal.

I went to work Monday through Friday, befriending coworkers and my boss alike. I had moved up from coffee carrying to file processing, but it didn't feel very different.

I still frequented the park to see if there was anyone around to be friends with. I met an interesting woman named Jupiter who had traveled the world before settling down in Twinbrook. We would occasionally play chess while she rattled off stories of fighting off mummies in Egypt.

On other days I would visit my coworkers at their homes after work. It wasn't long before I was good friends with all of them.

Sometimes their family members would give me weird looks, visiting their house at night...

...but they warmed up to me pretty quickly. I guess that charisma book helped, huh?

"You know Yume, I have a friend named Buck Green who's always saying that the people of Twinbrook aren't very friendly. He's been having a rough time fitting in ever since his girlfriend left him."

What could I do but befriend Buck? It was a great opportunity to make a new friend - something I never turned down.

I got right to the friend making the very next day, never one to hesitate.

Buck was charming, more so than I expected. When we were friends, I wanted to be good friends. Then best friends. And then I tried to pretend that I didn't notice the subtle flirting he sent my way every now and then.

Ah, but who am I kidding? I'm a hopeless romantic. I wanted to fall in love, and I was hoping that Buck would be the right choice.

I suppose I made the first move, but remember that he flirted with me first!

Moving too fast? Maybe. But you couldn't tell me that. When I wasn't at work, I was with him, flirting and laughing and falling for him.

Did he feel the same way about me?

It was hard to tell. He was attracted to me, sure. But Buck had what he called "commitment issues", and balked at calling me anything more than a "romantic interest".

Maybe I was stupid to try and change that. Maybe I should have seen the warning signs.

But I couldn't help but think that if I were only convincing enough, he would fall in love with me too.

And that's what started me...

...on a cycle I couldn't break.

Sometimes we spent the night peacefully at my house.

Sometimes I awoke in a panic at his house, confused by the strange room and the empty bed next to me.

Buck had a girlfriend while he was seeing me. Several girlfriends, if I recall correctly. But that never stopped him from dropping everything to have a rendezvous with me.

That meant I would win, right? He would always be with me regardless of the other girls.

But being with me didn't seem to be anything meaningful to him. Sure, we would talk sometimes about things...

...but before long the conversation always turned to the bedroom.

And me? I always indulged him. I craved his attention like some kind of addict. I wanted to look into someone's eyes and feel loved.

And if I couldn't have that, I went for the next best thing.

But I couldn't live that way forever. I was exhausted, tired of lying to myself. Even my performance at work was tanking.

This couldn't go on.

But how much was I willing to change?

--- --- --- --- ---

--- --- ---

---

The Big Bang.

The explosion that started life.

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---